Cronies | Thom Forbes

Extra, Extra! Read All About It!

Tue, 17 Aug 2010 11:48:56 -0400

Mike "Cookie Monster" Bucuvalas reports that he is ready, willing and exceedingly able to cater to your every gustatory and card-playing predilection at 40 Southgate this week. Well just about. "I've decided to draw the line at moose cock," he tells this reporter exclusively. Enjoy. I shall be Windy Citying it.

No Tempest in a Teapot This Week

Tue, 10 Aug 2010 12:15:16 -0400

Jason is hosting. Regular time. Regular day. There will be a quorum. Wolf will be late and want to go mano a mano with Stein at 12:05 a.m., who will respond with a story about his adolescence. Art will moan repeatedly. Bobby will yawn repeatedly. Petey will say, "you goin' against me?" at least twice. …

Dennis the %*$#@% Menace

Tue, 27 Jul 2010 16:17:03 -0400

There Goes Mr. Wilson's "Punch"

Dennis in The Mother Tongue

The mules refused to do any work in this heat, nobody's posting anything to boisenberryfanatics.com and the VHS tape of Pedro beating the Yankees finally snapped. So Art decided to cruise the Web and has filed this report:

"We've all been regaled by Dennis' tales of his woebegotten youth but how many of you know that he was a child actor, and actually starred in an …

Have You Ever Seen These Two Icons In The Same Place?

Tue, 08 Jun 2010 11:15:47 -0400

Of course you haven't. That's because Mr. Met ...

is one and the same person as Mr. Wolf ...

and they will be hosting this week at 1 Scenic Drive. Don't miss the historic occasion.

What's Next? Elegatroid?

Tue, 25 May 2010 17:48:26 -0400

Jay "The Slim Guy" Roif, having hurled three gems in a row in various softball leagues, figures he's on a winning streak. Having consulted with his advisors, trainers, business managers, consiglieres and gurus, he is convinced that the stars are properly aligned for hosting a game of competitive mergatroid (which was reintroduced into the mix, to my great personal delight and benefit, by Herr Wolf last week). …

201 Main St.,

Tue, 18 May 2010 22:18:51 -0400

Magdalena, New Mexico 87825. Art, start your tractor engine. Got no positive responses for a venue tomorrow except from Mr. Bisbee, who offered us his pied a terre in the metropolis. He won't be able to make it himself as he "traps rattlesnakes with the boys until the wee hours Thursday morning."

…

Low Handedness

Tue, 11 May 2010 21:20:02 -0400

Informed sources tell me that there was yet another contretemps over the "low card in your hand is wild for you" parameters that almost led to derringers being drawn after my departure last week. I figured I better clear the matter up. Again. But I couldn't be 100% sure of what the resolution was the last time we took this to arbitration so I did what any respected scholar would do in this day and age. …

You Got To Take the Good With the Bad

Mon, 03 May 2010 23:20:13 -0400

The bad? Well, as you know, George spends half his years gaming us and the other half bribing officials, dodging taxes and, in general, bringing the Greek economy to its knees. He is, if all went according to plan, embarking on the latter mission this week. His drachmas will be missed.

The good? Mikey B. is back from the Dark Continent and will be conducting a multimedia show featuring Top 40 Tribal chants and videos of massive mosquitos engaged in mating rituals. …

Hippopotamusoid

Tue, 20 Apr 2010 17:32:25 -0400

To honor Herr Wolf's hosting gig this week, I pored over ancient texts in the New York Public Library, talked to off-duty bartenders throughout the region, consulted a guru high upon Mount Taurus and dug deep into the Arpanet for an appropriate tale — one that the master of punditry might himself purvey. …

Rise Guy

Tue, 13 Apr 2010 23:19:47 -0400

I was out and about in the village tonight and ran into Jason whooping it up at the Chinese takeout. He was ecstatic over winning the regular season scoring title in the Ultimate Matzoh Balls League, where he is a wiry, three-point shooting point guard for the Forest Hills Unleaveneds.

I asked him the secret of his success. …

Between The Crackpots

Tue, 06 Apr 2010 22:38:34 -0400

At last week's game, Petey W. managed to deal a card that slipped right between a crack in the table — a feat so awesome that Petey A. offered his entire accumulated fortune for the evening — about $2.35 — if Petey W. could do it again. Well, as we should all know by know, nothing motivates Petey W. more than a challenge, particularly if an opportunity to swipe the pot is involved. …

Focus! (But I Digress)

Mon, 29 Mar 2010 20:20:33 -0400

What a bunch of jamokes. I've never seen such knuckle-headed play in all my years of sniveling. I mean, even in the midst of finding out by cell- phone communication that my third-born had mistaken a pack of Bubblicious for a laundry product and placed it in the dryer with the wife's cashmere sweaters, I could see the opportunity to BLUFF — an opportunity than only arises three, maybe four, times a year in our game — right before my disbelieving peepers. …

A Seat at the Table

Tue, 23 Mar 2010 21:51:36 -0400

That's all we want, right? A chance. An opportunity. Five bucks worth of chips (unless you're P. Wolf; in that case, ten). A seat at the table. And there may be plenty tomorrow.

Geoff "Slow Play B---" S. may or may not be slow-circling Newark.

Mike B. may or may not still be on the mountaintip listening to "…

Classic Snit Fits We Have Known

Tue, 16 Mar 2010 22:42:51 -0400

Don't know if you've seen this video or not, but it reminded me of the classic pissing matches at our table between the legendary Batman and the iconic Foxman concerning Sexy Sixes, in particular, and Yoogs, Micks and Rogers in general. Not to mention Ladies.

I'm Just Saying, Where Were Youze Guys Saturday Night?

Tue, 09 Mar 2010 14:28:13 -0500

Police Hunt Men Who Robbed Berlin Poker Tourney

German police said six men remained at large after they allegedly stole the precise amount of $115,115.15 after storming a poker tournament in Berlin Saturday and making their getaway through a crowded shopping center whilst singing an English song with lyrics that sounded like L. …

P. Wolf, Outfoxed by a Visitor, Will Host

Tue, 09 Mar 2010 14:28:10 -0500

So P. Wolf was hanging out at the corner of Whitman and Main today when this fresh-face chap walks by looking a little dazed.

"You look like a native," he says to P, who responds with an inscrutable tilt of the head. "I only give directions once a day," he says. "And then only if you grovel."

"I'm from out of town and I was just wondering if you can you tell me where Slices Pizza is?"

…

Need Any More Really Be Said?

Tue, 16 Feb 2010 21:39:48 -0500

I think not. The Inimitable Jaymeister will do it again. Poker. Snacks. Spring water. Camaraderie. Free tax advice. 8:30 at 4 Hall Place. And all he wants in return is a little publicity on the Internet. Done deal.

Everybody's a Writer Nowadays

Tue, 09 Feb 2010 11:37:31 -0500

Wow. What a creative crew. Good thing I'm studying for my personal trainer certification because the competition in the writing field is getting wicked out there. Among the articles published by our brothers in the last week alone:

"The Insidious Idiocy, Pernicious Influence and Noxious Impact Of Excessive 7/27 Playing on a Friendly Neighborhood Card Game" in the …

We Are Overwhelmed By Your Responses

Tue, 26 Jan 2010 22:01:12 -0500

The game was in jeopardy for lack of a venue this week but each and every one of us came through, in our own way, in an outpouring of half-hearted support.

"You're all welcome up here, as always," Art of the Deal dials in on the party line, "but the stagecoach only runs every three hours."

"Don't press your luck," tweets the Jayman, "bad as it was last week."

…

You Can Always Count On Mike F.

Tue, 19 Jan 2010 22:09:07 -0500

Dr. M. Foxman has just returned from a piscatory expedition bearing a jar of anchovies, an Arctic char (purchased at Pisacano's on South Broadway) and a song he learned around the campfire whilst downing Utica Clubs with the boys. It is called the Boogaloo Song, and here's a film of him singing it with his fishing pals. …