Cronies | Thom Forbes

Extra, Extra! Read All About It!

Tue, 17 Aug 2010 11:48:56 -0400

Mike "Cookie Monster" Bucuvalas reports that he is ready, willing and exceedingly able to cater to your every gustatory and card-playing predilection at 40 Southgate this week. Well just about. "I've decided to draw the line at moose cock," he tells this reporter exclusively. Enjoy. I shall be…

No Tempest in a Teapot This Week

Tue, 10 Aug 2010 12:15:16 -0400

Jason is hosting. Regular time. Regular day. There will be a quorum. Wolf will be late and want to go mano a mano with Stein at 12:05 a.m., who will respond with a story about his adolescence. Art will moan repeatedly. Bobby will yawn repeatedly. Petey will say, "you goin' against me?" at least…

Dennis the %*$#@% Menace

Tue, 27 Jul 2010 16:17:03 -0400

The mules refused to do any work in this heat, nobody's posting anything to boisenberryfanatics.com and the VHS tape of Pedro beating the Yankees finally snapped. So Art decided to cruise the Web and has filed this report:

"We've all been regaled by Dennis' tales of his woebegotten youth but how…

Have You Ever Seen These Two Icons In The Same Place?

Tue, 08 Jun 2010 11:15:47 -0400

Of course you haven't. That's because Mr. Met ...

is one and the same person as Mr. Wolf ...

and they will be hosting this week at 1 Scenic Drive. Don't miss the historic occasion.

What's Next? Elegatroid?

Tue, 25 May 2010 17:48:26 -0400

Jay "The Slim Guy" Roif, having hurled three gems in a row in various softball leagues, figures he's on a winning streak. Having consulted with his advisors, trainers, business managers, consiglieres and gurus, he is convinced that the stars are properly aligned for hosting a game of competitive…

201 Main St.,

Tue, 18 May 2010 22:18:51 -0400

On second thought, I've got to be back here 11 a.m. Thursday for an important appointment (racquetball with the professor). I'll host.

Low Handedness

Tue, 11 May 2010 21:20:02 -0400

Informed sources tell me that there was yet another contretemps over the "low card in your hand is wild for you" parameters that almost led to derringers being drawn after my departure last week. I figured I better clear the matter up. Again. But I couldn't be 100% sure of what the resolution was…

You Got To Take the Good With the Bad

Mon, 03 May 2010 23:20:13 -0400

The bad? Well, as you know, George spends half his years gaming us and the other half bribing officials, dodging taxes and, in general, bringing the Greek economy to its knees. He is, if all went according to plan, embarking on the latter mission this week. His drachmas will be missed.

The good?…

Hippopotamusoid

Tue, 20 Apr 2010 17:32:25 -0400

To honor Herr Wolf's hosting gig this week, I pored over ancient texts in the New York Public Library, talked to off-duty bartenders throughout the region, consulted a guru high upon Mount Taurus and dug deep into the Arpanet for an appropriate tale — one that the master of punditry might himself…

Rise Guy

Tue, 13 Apr 2010 23:19:47 -0400

I was out and about in the village tonight and ran into Jason whooping it up at the Chinese takeout. He was ecstatic over winning the regular season scoring title in the Ultimate Matzoh Balls League, where he is a wiry, three-point shooting point guard for the Forest Hills Unleaveneds.

I asked him…

Between The Crackpots

Tue, 06 Apr 2010 22:38:34 -0400

Focus! (But I Digress)

Mon, 29 Mar 2010 20:20:33 -0400

What a bunch of jamokes. I've never seen such knuckle-headed play in all my years of sniveling. I mean, even in the midst of finding out by cell- phone communication that my third-born had mistaken a pack of Bubblicious for a laundry product and placed it in the dryer with the wife's cashmere…

A Seat at the Table

Tue, 23 Mar 2010 21:51:36 -0400

That's all we want, right? A chance. An opportunity. Five bucks worth of chips (unless you're P. Wolf; in that case, ten). A seat at the table. And there may be plenty tomorrow.

Geoff "Slow Play B---" S. may or may not be slow-circling Newark.

Mike B. may or may not still be on the mountaintip…

Classic Snit Fits We Have Known

Tue, 16 Mar 2010 22:42:51 -0400

I'm Just Saying, Where Were Youze Guys Saturday Night?

Tue, 09 Mar 2010 14:28:13 -0500

P. Wolf, Outfoxed by a Visitor, Will Host

Tue, 09 Mar 2010 14:28:10 -0500

So P. Wolf was hanging out at the corner of Whitman and Main today when this fresh-face chap walks by looking a little dazed.

"You look like a native," he says to P, who responds with an inscrutable tilt of the head. "I only give directions once a day," he says. "And then only if you grovel."

"I'm…

Need Any More Really Be Said?

Tue, 16 Feb 2010 21:39:48 -0500

Everybody's a Writer Nowadays

Tue, 09 Feb 2010 11:37:31 -0500

Wow. What a creative crew. Good thing I'm studying for my personal trainer certification because the competition in the writing field is getting wicked out there. Among the articles published by our brothers in the last week alone:

"The Insidious Idiocy, Pernicious Influence and Noxious Impact Of…

We Are Overwhelmed By Your Responses

Tue, 26 Jan 2010 22:01:12 -0500

The game was in jeopardy for lack of a venue this week but each and every one of us came through, in our own way, in an outpouring of half-hearted support.

"You're all welcome up here, as always," Art of the Deal dials in on the party line, "but the stagecoach only runs every three hours."

"Don't…

You Can Always Count On Mike F.

Tue, 19 Jan 2010 22:09:07 -0500

Dr. M. Foxman has just returned from a piscatory expedition bearing a jar of anchovies, an Arctic char (purchased at Pisacano's on South Broadway) and a song he learned around the campfire whilst downing Utica Clubs with the boys. It is called the Boogaloo Song, and here's a film of him singing it…